Close to no tomorrow
Someone looks to me in sorrow
Hours go by
But still someone looks to me and lies
Minutes and minutes slip away
Trying to find the meaning of everyday
The clock is ticking, feel overpowered by the wave
As I wait, and wait to be saved
I like the short lines and clear rhyming.
ReplyDeleteI also like the repetition in the final line.
Perhaps you better tie together the second and third line?
i dont quite get the 4th line. it makes no sense to me.
ReplyDeleteother than that line, i thought it had great imagery.
I was curious about what inspired you to write this poem? Who is being saved from what? I, like how time is personified, but I also agree with the previous feedback about some changes that could be made. I like the repetition of "minutes and minutes" "wait and wait" - it makes us slow down and feel the time slipping away.
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