It's in the pity, the sad smiles, and the way they hold their eyes.And the words, mostly.
That's terrible. Are you okay? I'm so, so sorry.
Shut up.
Shut up, shut up, just shut the fuck up.
I don't want to hear it.
I am so tired of hearing it.
I know you mean well, but your sentiment does me no good
(And will not bring him back).
Which doesn't mean you shouldn't say a thing.
I know you can't find the right words,
And don't worry,
I don't want to talk about it, either.
But I won't break down if you ask me how I'm doing.
I won't go to pieces if you show that you might care.
And yes, I'm a little bitter.
I'm volatile and sensitive
And some days I have to force myself to breathe.
But I'm functioning, mostly.
I'm walking and talking and I'm not giving up yet.
I am not made of glass,
But some days I'm more fragile than others.
So don't treat me like I'm broken,
But acknowledge that I'm damaged.
I know that this is what I get.
This limbo, this guessing game,
This failure to communicate.
This is what I get for being on that list of names
That comes after: "He is survived by".
And that's what I'm doing.
Surviving.
The same way you would be.