And the words, mostly.
That's terrible. Are you okay? I'm so, so sorry.
Shut up.
Shut up, shut up, just shut the fuck up.
I don't want to hear it.
I am so tired of hearing it.
I know you mean well, but your sentiment does me no good
(And will not bring him back).
Which doesn't mean you shouldn't say a thing.
I know you can't find the right words,
And don't worry,
I don't want to talk about it, either.
But I won't break down if you ask me how I'm doing.
I won't go to pieces if you show that you might care.
And yes, I'm a little bitter.
I'm volatile and sensitive
And some days I have to force myself to breathe.
But I'm functioning, mostly.
I'm walking and talking and I'm not giving up yet.
I am not made of glass,
But some days I'm more fragile than others.
So don't treat me like I'm broken,
But acknowledge that I'm damaged.
I know that this is what I get.
This limbo, this guessing game,
This failure to communicate.
This is what I get for being on that list of names
That comes after: "He is survived by".
And that's what I'm doing.
Surviving.
The same way you would be.
This is very powerful. Your setup of the poem really accentuates the agitated and frustrated feelings that I experienced as I read your poem
ReplyDeletewow... this really makes a person think, its really good
ReplyDeleteYour imagery is moving and incredible. I like the way you use "survivor" almost as a burden in itself. Unbelievable.
ReplyDeleteThe set up and imagery you use really paints the picture of how you feel, and how you wish people should act towards you in such a trying time. This is a very moving poem, but in an abstract way. Great job.
ReplyDeleteKeegan, I wish everyone in our classes would be able to read this after they have lost someone close to them. Though you speak from your own experience, we must all go down this road at some point, and it is good to put these often unnamable emotions into words. I resonated with several lines: "the way they hold their eyes" "some days I have to force myself to breathe" "So don't treat me like I'm broken / But acknowledge that I'm damaged." The difference in connotation between broken and damaged really hit home for me; we will never forget those we have loved and lost - their mark on us is permanent and their loss is damaging. But to be broken by their death seems irreparable and affects the spirit. The last five lines of the poem were simple images and statements with powerful emotions connected to them - even if you edit other parts of the poem, don't change those last lines. The first line of the poem feels a little long and the third line should be in quotes: "That's terrible" "Are you okay" ...
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing such a personal and powerful poem.