Suicide is selfish
someone wanting to off
them self is bad enough,
but at least they go and do it quietly
Don't make much of a mess.
Suicide bombers
Boy do they make my blood boil.
They weren't satisfied with just ending their own lives,
They have to kill innocent people too.
On top of that I have to clean up after them.
Drip, drip, drip
Blood flows
Down the walls, ceiling, and whats left of the counter tops.
Nothing left of em'
Just some little tinny pieces and blood
Covering everything.
Get to work
These people can't clean themselves off the floor.
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ReplyDeleteYour word choice made your poem very vivid and i could picture what you were explaining. I especially like your last line, it makes the poem all the more clear.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your poem from the first line and could tell right away it would interest me. I like the description and i really visualized almost every line of the poem. It also shows some of your voice with "boy they make my blod boil."
ReplyDeleteThis is a very effective piece, particularly the last few lines. Your imagery is great (I particularly like "Nothing left of'em/Just some little tiny pieces and blood/Covering everything."). It's also a very unique point of view. I would, however, suggest proof-reading this a few more times. You have some punctuation inconsistencies and spelling issues. They don't detract from meaning, but a little editing would just make it easier to read. Overall, great job.
ReplyDeleteKayla, what a compelling colloquial voice! Phrases like "to off themselves" "is bad enough" "blood boil" "on top of that" add to the voice of a working class citizen who must do this horrific job. We never think of the people that have to deal with the aftermath. My favorite line is the last line...seems so casual and down-to-earth in an unbelievable situation.
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