here waiting at the bus stop
waiting for the bus
the bus is coming
I can hear the big motor
I get on
I sit like in a pit full of mudd
I look around
I see the fear of people
then i push the button
boom i'm dead
now where are my 72 virnins
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i like the irony at the end and your simile about the pit full of mus is really powerful
ReplyDeleteAllen, the first three lines really makes me feel the waiting and the repetition works. I would love to see more similes like your pit full of mud and more imagery too. Don't forget to proofread your poem and make spelling corrections (like mud and virgins).
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