i know that this world ain't
suicide bombers,
filled with rational hate.
walking down a corridor, sitting outside a cafe, or riding a bus
an overwhelming feeling taking over - a life ending rush.
perfect picture.
a world without coordinated gangs.
all people want is change.
a place to live and rest,
life's serenity at its best.
children's' playful laughs abroad
no ones fate is undetermined by a god.
picture perfect?
or perfect picture.
its our choice
an action that needs a voice.
it rhymes very well. i like your word choice and the way you put it together.
ReplyDeleteI think you took an abstract idea and used it in a unique style of poetry. The rhyme keeps it flowing and the poem itself evokes thought. i like it.
ReplyDeleteI really like the emotion that was expressed through the diction and detail of this poem. I think it is a picture perfect poem... lol
ReplyDeleteShelby, I love the idea of this poem - picture perfect or perfect picture. Good idea. I also like the last line of the poem. There are some problems with the rhythm in the last two lines of the first stanza and the last line of the second stanza. Also look at the punctuation (like in the second line) and word choice (like rational hate).
ReplyDelete