Pursuing Happiness - Linnea Dixson
Happiness is not a noun
A person, place, or thing.
It starts with a smile
And resonates; it is a state of being
Happiness is like snow coated trees
That glisten in the sun
Each branch its own, sparkling
To shed some light on everyone.
And when you first discover it
You will settle for no less
For you will have tasted just enough
Pure and unadorned happiness.
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Linnea, I really like this. The way it ryhmes, but not ever line. Its very light and nice. One thing you might think about is the part about each branch its own, sparkling... that phrase is kind of awkward, maybe breaking the line in a different place would help.
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Linnea, I as well like this. I like how after reading this poem you can feel the power of your message and relate! Although, the only thing I would say was that to describe more emotions that connect with happiness to make it more wide targeted. Living in Steamboat, this poem is perfect because many of us know this feeling and connect it with happiness! So for your targeted audience this was great, just if you want to make it more wide spread in the future just connect it to more. Maybe I just love your writing and want to hear more haha!
ReplyDeleteI love the feeling i walk away with after reading this poem. For once not a depressing one! You get a strong point across of what happiness is in a few short, but strong lines. I actually really like the line "each branch it's own..sparkling." but I would agree with Kim, and say one thing to add is a few more emotions connected to happiness to give the reader a strong feel of happiness. but overall, great poem!
ReplyDeleteI love this poem Linnea...it is so true and i love the point you are making about happiness. I have felt this way looking at the snow shining in the sun...so i love those few lines of your poem. This is a really good writing and i agree with Kim..lets hear more! haha
ReplyDeletethis is really good and i agree with the line happiness is not a noun, it isn't. you have to create and believe in happiness which is what you explained
ReplyDeleteBeing a lover of grammar, I really connect to the lines "happiness is not a noun/person, place, or thing." This line is so Buddhist in nature... it appears simple, but when you think about it, we cannot depend on objects or people for our happiness. You received some valuable comments on how to improve the poem, so I won't repeat them - but I must say, it was refreshing to read a light and positive poem.
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