Your head is held up by the strings you display
Let down the strings
Please let me see the weight you carry
Put yourself into my lap
Let me stroke away your pain
Tell your master to cut the strings
Be free and find your balance again
Let the tears you hold back wipe away the fakeness of your face
Come to reality
Have it seep into your skin
Deep
So that you never forget it
Never let the strings to the old you be reattached
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Olivia, this is a great poem. Starting in a tense situation, you did a great job of slowly freeing that tension (kind of like slowly letting out your breath after you hold it). The way that you did start the build up at the start really made me want to continue to read right off the bat and not get lost with a bunch of big words and too much discription. The last line I feel is a little confusing for me, maybe just the wording could be switched around. Other than that this is a great poem, I really enjoyed it! :)
ReplyDeleteThis is a great poem. The metaphor is well developed and the emotion in the poem is clear and effective. I noticed that you seem to be addressing the "puppet" for most of the poem as the one who should act, but the line "Tell your master to cut the strings" doesn't really fit with that theme. Also, the eighth line is a little awkward. "The fakeness of your face" is a cumbersome phrase. Could you find a simpler way to say that? Maybe use something like "your mask" or facade, pretense, disguise.... Just an idea. Great job.
ReplyDeleteI think this is a great poem because it allows the reader to tie the puppetier to anything that their emotions bring, whether it be negative or positive. For me, it's like God is clipping those burdens to allow you to trust in him, where you follow so those burdens don't haunt you once again. That's probably not what you were thinking, but that's why I think it's very good, because the reader can perceive it the way that brings something to them. Great internal metaphor and using no rhyme definitely works for this!
ReplyDeleteolivia i really like your poem! i like that you wrote about staying strong and finding yourself, but that you sometimes need help to do that. your lines that say "put yourself into my lap
ReplyDeletelet me stroke away your pain" are my favorite. this is very visual and i find these lines very calming. good job. :)
Olivia, You received some helpful comments here - I agree that there are a few awkward areas (like fakeness), but overall the poem is a meaningful metaphor that clearly speaks to your readers. I like the lines "come to reality / have it seep into your skin / deep." This advice fits well with the puppet metaphor - maybe, we (like puppets) won't truly see reality for what it is unless we let it seep in deeply. The last line of the poem is a powerful call to action for anyone feeling the restrictions of an "old self."
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