I stand on the crowded bus,
Disconnected with the world around me.
Waiting,
Wondering how the explosives
I have
Clinging to every inch of my waist,
Will change the lives
Of these so-called innocent people.
I inhale a whiff of a woman’s perfume
Who brushes past me.
Her smile is the sun
That shines so bright
It blurs my vision.
I think,
In a few minutes,
That sun will be gone from this world
Forever.
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Your line breaks give a sense of suspension. I especially enjoy your last line- forever. It gives a haunting chill and leaves me with the feeling of regret
ReplyDeleteI agree with Skylar i really like how you set up the poems with the line breaks. I also really like how you compared the sun to the woman's smile; it makes the woman and the situation feel more real and it creates really good imagery.
ReplyDeleteWonderful job Katie! Yes, the line breaks add to our suspense as the reader, and the metaphor is strong, but I especially like your word choice... clinging, wiff, blurrs... and your imagery really makes this a powerful piece.
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