Innocent Angel
How ironic it is strapping,
On a vest of pure destruction,
When it's told to give me life.
The vest litteraly puts weight,
On my shoulders, adding
To the weight that was already there.
The pain floats with me,
Taking baby like steps onto the bus.
Immediately I choke,
Breaths of those full of life,
Stole the struggle of breaths I had left.
The watch of an elderly man ticked,
Seeming louder than my pounding
Heart.
A small child grabbed the pocket of my coat,
Awakening my senses.
It is her hand that touches,
The button of destruction.
Quickly I force a smile,
Sweat plastering my forehead.
My other hand is filled,
With the God I put my faith in.
Replacing her hand with mine,
The image of my own innocent angel,
Reflects in my eyes.
Why would I be selfish,
For my paradise,
Now it's I who joins the breathing of the living,
Today is one less day,
Where innocence dies.
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Oh my goodness kim! This poem is beautiful! The image you painted with the little girls finger on the button of destruction and then comparing her to the innocent angel. It really was touching. The only thing i fumbled over was the line about choking and the breaths of life was a little confusing. But other then that it was very enjoyable
ReplyDeleteWow Kim this is really good. The imagery and voice tells a wonderful story. I really enjoyed how you compared the little girl to an innocent angel, and the watch louder than the person's heart. The only thing I wasn't sure of is what you meant by the choking breath. But other wise I thought it was really amazing.
ReplyDeletevery strongly words you use is very good but you should use some rhyming it might make it more interesting idk maybe but i liked it jaja
ReplyDeletewow Kim! I must say this is a very amazing poem. The analagy(sp)of the whole poem is quite creative and thought out. This is a very beautifuly written poem and I honestly don't know if you could have written it out any better. I also liked the part where you said "awakening my senses." the choking of the breate part is a bit confusing but very beautiful poem!
ReplyDeleteAmazing. The imagery that is put into my head after reading this is a very angelic yet demonic one. The poem portrays the true struggle of one's self and doubts when suicide bombing. This was personally a challening assignment to do without rhyming allowed but this was just pure imagery and devil's advocate. Woo Kimberly!
ReplyDeleteNice work Kim! You received many valuable comments on this poem - I would also like you to look at the placement of commas (some of them seem unnecessary). Great job with the word choice and line breaks. I honestly thought this was going to be a dark poem, but the ending was beautiful and hopeful. I especially loved the line about the other hand being filled with "the god I put my faith in."
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