Sierra Leone, you can't reach anyone there on a phone..
This is a violent death zone, with hundreds of children left alone..
But nowadays it seems, "death" is a thing that we all condone, turning a blind eye even when the wrong is known, even when the pain is shown, but that's a CUT that won't ever be RE SEWN..
One boys story, leads to another mans glory..
Training boy soldiers to kill with might, they don't know it's to their teachers own delight..
Watching the boy kill is like watching a match ignite, a devil boy beginning to hatch is right, soul turns black as night, he blows a mans brains out, no second thought, not contrite..
Blood diamonds are what they pursue, the number of noble men, counts for few..
Lives in shambles, all they see is blues, but to countries like us, that's boring news..
I want to change it all, but what the hell could I do, reality is one thing, what we hear is askew, the thought that we can't help is so untrue, you sure as hell can help, if you have these feelings too!
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Wow Jeremy! This is clearly where you shine! I love the rhythm and internal rhyme that you've developed. Great word choice too! My only suggestion would be to try and reduce those longer lines that mess up the five line stanza form (because of length). Other than that...fantastic job!
ReplyDeleteJer this poem is really good. I like how you put emphasis on important words by putting them in bold, and I like the message you send at the very end.
ReplyDeleteYour the shit!!! That was a very good poem. The internal rhythm is just fantastic and the message is clearly shown through your use of cacophony. The bold words were a very good addition as well cause it really supported the words you wanted people to hear.
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