Red, Red everywhere
once, it was my favorite color
made me feel passionate and warm
covered in my friend's blood
I only feel
Cold
an eternal saddness consumes me
I realize this blood,
this vile, evil substance
is the only thing left of my friend
who only brought joy and laughter
to my heart.
i like the idea of calling it "red" instead of blood. its creative and deep. i enjoyed it! good job!
ReplyDeleteNice work, Ryan. I like how you broke your lines and the shape of the poem - focusing the eyes on the single word...cold (which would also make a good title). I love the emotions of both pleasure "favorite color" "passionate and warm" and death/tragedy. My only suggestion is to put in a little more punctuation since you already have some there. For example, I'd like to see a period after the first line to reduce confusion...I first thought that was an enjambed sentence.
ReplyDeleteWow Ryan. This is really emotional. I like how you tied in the color red to the things you were feeling. You also used some great enjambments. This poem was full of imagery. my only suggestion is the same as Ms. Bell's.
ReplyDelete