sometimes you have to much
sometimes you don't have enough
too much time makes me twiddle my thumbs
not enough makes my pants up in a bunch
I never have enough at lunch
and I don't want to be a fool
and spend all my time at school
but time is time
and might as well make it mine
i liked it a lot, it was deep and funny at the same time
ReplyDeleteyea, i agree wit alex.
ReplyDeletebut idk if im saying this line right.. "not enough makes my pants up in a bunch" ..are you trying to say its making ur pants get in a bunch? or am i just reading it wrong?
maybe just some rewording would make it clearer....idk though
haha. its very "interesting" but good at the same time. original. and a creative idea
ReplyDeletehaha..drew..
ReplyDeleteI like the internal rhythm of the piece it has a very good flow... "but time is time and might as well make it mine" is a very good pharse and a good way to wrap up the poem
ReplyDeleteI agree with Brandon with your last sentence as your conclusion. It was funny yet deep and meaning full.
ReplyDeleteDrew, clearly you have some fans of your poetry. I like your poem's message - seize the day. I would like to see more imagery in your poetry and don't forget to proofread (burden is spelled wrong for example). I think you could fix some of the problems with rhythm by just adding or taking away a few words (look at lines 3 & 4).
ReplyDelete